


Master Spy

by FullofCats



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Canon Related, Gen, Speculation, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-18 23:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3588621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullofCats/pseuds/FullofCats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: What if Ward had been working for Real SHIELD.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Monster in the Basement

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't stop reading if you don't like how Ward acts. A lot of people who watch Agents of SHIELD don't always read between the lines.
> 
> Also this fic is based on my speculation and interpretation of where the show is heading for the rest of season 2. I'm sure I'm wrong for part of it, but that's why it's called speculation.

The man sat in the back booth at the diner, nursed a coffee and an omelet he wasn’t really eating. He had a baseball cap on, a newspaper covering his face and a Bluetooth in his ear but wasn't talking to anyone. 

When the door to the diner opened, the man looked over his newspaper. It was a man and a woman. The man medium sized was wearing a dark blue suit and the woman was tall and wore jeans and a t-shirt. They looked like the most mismatched couple ever. 

The waitress took them to a table, but he could overhear the woman insisting on a booth. Before the waitress could show them to one, the woman picked the one next to his. The man with the suit sat with his back to him, the woman sat on the other side. 

After the waitress took their order, the man tapped his Bluetooth that chirped.

“Long time no see,” he said.

“I’ve been a little busy,” the man in suit said.

“You couldn’t spare five minutes to make sure I was alive?”

“I didn’t actually care,” the man in the suit said. His voice had no emotion not even his normal cheerfulness.

The man with the cap put his newspaper down. He resisted the urge to turn around and hit the other man with the newspaper.

“You failed,” the man in the suit said. “You failed to keep her out of the temple.”

The man in the cap, eyes widened. He looked down in despair. Then he composted himself.

“She shot me four times towards the upper body. If I wasn’t wearing a plate, I would be dead.”

“At least something out of the mission came out right.”

The man pulled his hands together almost as to top him from turning around and doing something unpleasant to the man in the suit. 

“Is she okay?”

“That’s not your concern anymore. I agreed to meet you here to make sure you know that we are currently done and I want you to stay away. I don't understand why you couldn’t just do the mission and go away? I don’t understand why you even bothered to contact me.”

“This is how you treat people who want second chances. You gave three chances to Mike Peterson, but fuck me.”

The man in the suit didn’t respond. Even though it was foolish, the man in the cap turned around slightly and caught the glaze of the woman. She hunched her shoulders. He turned back around.

“We let Mike Peterson go despite what he did because we know deep down he is a good man and he'll never would hurt anyone else. You on the other hand decide to do some little side assignment. Didn’t you read the entire note I showed you. You’re brother is the one who guaranteed you would escape. Why the hell did you go after him?”

“Hydra wouldn’t just accept me with open arms. I needed to show them I could kill the people closest to me. So I killed, pun intended two birds with one stone.”

The man in the suit didn’t respond immediately, then said. “You are one cold hearted bastard.”

“Yes, I am. You should have seen them. My father pissed himself and my mother actually offered me a million dollars to spare her. And Christian. He was the funniest. He actually thought I forgave him for the past.” 

The man in the suit said nothing. The man of the cap didn’t have to even turn around to know he tensed up.

“I hope next time she remembers that headshots work better but there won’t be a next time.”

“You still need me to do your dirty work.”

“You had one job. Keep Skye out of the temple and you failed.”

“Again, I took two slugs. Thought about blowing my cover, but I don’t think she would have believed it. She wouldn’t believe daddy dearest made a deal with the devil to protect her. I think she hates me.”

“For good reason. I don’t know if we’ll be needed your services for a while. You had a second chance and you blew it.”

“Way harsh, Phil.”

“No, it’s my fault for thinking I could trust a psychopathic serial killer.”

“I’m not that.”

The man in the suit snorted. “You could have fooled me. Any chance you can stay out of trouble until we need you again?”

“Can’t guarantee where the tide takes you.”

“Your omelet is getting cold,” the man said and stood up. He walked to the front of the restaurant and started talking to the waitress. The man in the cap could hear it. He apologized, that his wife wasn’t feeling well, they were leaving and he wanted to settle the bill.

The woman got up and passed him, stopped, and without looking at him said. “I wish she got your heart.”

“Oh, she does,” he said.

The woman joined the man in the suit at the front of the diner. The bell rang and they were gone.

The man looked at the note the woman had dropped on the table. He called over the waitress and paid his bill.


	2. Tormented Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ward and Agent 33.
> 
> BTW this is based on speculation on what I think Ward's motives are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the Level 7 art. Kudos to anyone who finds the Guardians of the Galaxy reference.

He had to admit she was lovely. She laid against the pillow with her eyes closed. The scar over her eye doesn't distract from her beauty. He had two cups of coffee he got from the diner. He placed them on the dresser.

He pulled the note from his leather jacket. He read the note once more.

Yes.  
10T  
Vermont Snow.  
Strong.  
☺

He crumpled up the note and tossed it the trash. The noise must have woken her up. She opened her eyes and smiled at him.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi.”

“Where you go?”

“Just to get some coffee.”

She got up, smiled at him again and made her way to the bathroom. He took a deep breath. He didn’t like the way she looked at him these past couple of weeks, as they made their way from Puerto Rico back to the states. He liked that she had her own face now, even with a scar. She had been confused for a few days, looking in the mirror constantly and touching it like it wasn’t real. He shouldn't have told her she was beautiful. Now she looked at him longingly.

She came out of the bathroom and walked over to him. She tried to put her arms around his waist but he pulled away. He turned around and looked at her. She looked disappointed.

“So what are we doing now?”

“I have some associates in town, not Hydra, just some old friends. Good for money and guns. We have to be there by ten.” He said the lie without hesitation. She wasn’t Skye. She could never be Skye. He knew that being shot out four times meant there was no hope, probably even after she learned everything. If she had only asked the right questions.

“And you don’t want me to stay here?”

He shook his head. “They are a bit unsavory. I might need back up, but one thing. You have to be blindfolded. If they found out you know the place, they’ll try to kill you. It’s going to be a four hour drive. Also I think it’s time we moved on.”

She looked pouty for the request.

“Please. You can take a nap.”

“Okay,” she said. “For you.”

He didn’t like that she didn’t question him.

He looked around the room but not at her. He wasn’t fond of this this cheap motel but they didn’t ask questions. 

She went back to her bed and laid back down on it. The last few weeks, other than thwarting a robbery at a diner had been anticlimactic. He texted Coulson when he got back to the states and he set up a meeting at the diner, only to tell him that because he failed at his mission, he got a burn notice.

“Come lie next to me.”

He shook his head. Instead he lied on his bed and turned on the TV. He never watched television unless he needed too. Didn’t know what shows were on or cared.

She looked disappointed but that was okay with him.

“What’s wrong?” she finally asked. “Is it me?”

“No.”

“Is it Garrett?”

“No.”

“Your brother?” 

There were like this for weeks. She would share and he would shut down every time she asked about Garrett or Christian. He had been open about other things. One time out of nowhere he announced that when he was a kid he tossed his little brother into well. Christian had told him that if he didn’t, he would be the one going into it instead. 

“You’re brother sounds like a dick,” she had said.

“He is.”

She was the one that mostly talked. In the beginning it was about treating his wounds. A few weeks ago before they got the mask off, he told her about Skye, how he didn’t know if he loved her. He gave her the lie of why he did it. How he thought he was doing a nice thing for her by taking her to her father, trying to make up for the bad things he had done. She stopped him almost immediately.

“Who taught you about girls?”

“When I got accepted into the SHIELD operations, Garrett celebrated it by taking me to a prostitute.”

She started laughing and it came out so weird and robotic, he chuckled too.

“I’m brainwashed,” she said, “but I know that girls don’t like boys who kidnap them. You think I liked being kidnapped by Whitehall?”

“It’s not the same.” And it wasn’t because he could lie to 33 but not to Skye. She just never asked the right questions.

“It is. Girls don’t like to be kidnapped. Plain and simple.”

“She shot me, so I think I figured out she doesn’t want to be with me. I’m not that stupid.”

Mostly they talk about Whitehall. He worried about her trying to commit suicide but so far all he needed to do was hold her if she got upset. He cared about her greatly but the looks she gave him sometimes disturbed him. He didn’t want to be a replacement for Whitehall and he wasn’t ready for a replacement for Skye. He didn’t want to destroy her like Garrett and SHIELD had done to him.

Once he was out of danger from the gunshot wound, it got bad with her. He’d try to comfort her the best he could when she cried. Once he caught her calling Whitehall’s cell phone, crying into the phone about why he wasn’t there. He threw her phone away.

She would often deflect the conversation back to Garrett when she didn’t want to talk.

“You need to talk about Garrett eventually.”

“I’ve dealt with him. It’s you that has the problem. I’m tired of waking up to you crying.”

She looked bothered by what he said. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am.”

He looked at her now on the bed. When she caught him looking at her, she smiled. He looked away.

They had an argument once. Actually more like she yelled at him and he took it. When they found someone to get the mask off, she was so excited, she tried to kiss him and he pulled away. She yelled at him that maybe she should put on Skye’s face and then he would be happy.

She didn’t understand. He didn’t think he would ever be happy. He had a misguided thought that if Skye loved him, he would be happy but she painfully told him no.

He didn’t know if she realized that he was pulling away. That the journey for them was coming to an end. He realized that he wasn’t helping her. She was falling for him and he didn’t want to hurt her, but he knew he had too. The last few weeks had almost been fun, almost a vacation he really desperately needed. He didn’t mind hugging her, didn’t mind holding her, but when her look went from grateful to longing, he knew it was time to get back. His physical wounds had long since healed but both their mental wounds were still there. Hers was stronger than his right now. 

“I’m going to take a nap,” he said, to deflect. “Wake me at three.”

 

At three, he woke up with her next to him. He felt her heat and heard her breath. It would be so easy to fall into a trap and he was often tempted. It would be just another red line to add to his ledger. He knew she would be willing. Just like May had been. Ultimately he decided not to. There was just something about her not knowing her own name. He thought his time with Lorelei and how he felt ashamed after.

Instead he moved her arms and went to the bathroom. Cleaned himself up to go out again.

When he left the bathroom, she was changing. Sharing hotel rooms for weeks, they had frequently seen each other in their underwear and one embarrassing moment she had seen him in the shower. He had covered himself with a towel and turned beet red.

He didn’t watch her dress. He looked at the mirror. He needed a shave, he needed a strong shower, and he needed something and 33 wasn’t it. He didn’t know if it was Skye either.

When she was finished dressing, they packed what few things they had and got into the car they had hotwired a few days ago. They only kept these cars for a few days. Old cars that the police wouldn’t even bother looking for.

He gently put the blindfold over her pretty face. She lay against his shoulder and slept as they drove. He put on the radio.

I'm not in love  
So don't forget it  
It's just a silly phase I'm going through  
And just because I call you up  
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made  
I'm not in love  
I'm not in love

“What was the worst thing you ever did? She suddenly asked.

He didn’t respond right away because he had to go through an entire list and it was very long.

Finally he said. “I almost killed the one person who believed I was actually good.”

“Whitehall made me kill a SHIELD agent for her failure to comply. She called me a coward.”

He didn’t think it would be a good thing to tell her the SHIELD agents he had killed.

He was never so happy, but so scared to get to the location. The last two years of his life had been nothing but hurting people. He might as well do one more.

They get out of the car to the rundown neighborhood. It was dark but he wasn’t worried. As confused and blindfolded 33 were, she was still lethal.

He went to a warehouse wall knocked. A voice rung out from hidden speaker.

“What falls hard in winter?”

“Vermont snow.”

The wall vanished and was replaced by the door. The door opened and a man in a black suit came out.

“Come on in,” he said. He looked at 33 and smiled. 

He walked her down corridor. She was not suspicious, not yet.

“Can I take the mask off?” she asked.

“Yes, take it off forever.”

He made sure he isn’t the first thing she saw. When she took off the mask, the first thing she saw was the SHIELD logo.

There was a woman and man waiting for them. The woman walked to them and touched her shoulder.

“Hello,” she said.

She was confused and looked to him for answers.

“You have to go with them,” he said.

She shook her head furiously.

“Did you find out her name?” he asked the woman.

“Kara,” she said.

He took her hand and pulled her to his shoulder and held her in an embrace. He feels her tears on his shirt. He wished he could love her. Love made him think of Skye. How he often wished she would look at him the way Kara did.

“Don’t leave me, Grant,” she said, into his chest.

“I have too. I can’t even save myself let alone you. These people will help you. They're experts. They are SHIELD agents and they know what you went through. I'm not abandoning you. I promise. You won’t be alone.”

The woman grabbed Kara’s shoulder gently and pulled her away. She resisted but barely.

“Please, Grant,” she said. “Please. I think I love you.”

“You can’t,” he replied. “It’s not real.”

She didn't respond but at least she allowed the man and women to take her away. He watched them walk down another corridor until she was gone.

The thing with Skye was he wanted to believe what he felt was love, but he had so many lives, he didn’t know which one loved her.

“Is the big man here?” he asked the agent who let them in.

“You know him. Always lots of meetings and stuff. Why don’t you wait for him in the bar?”


	3. Master Drunk Ward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Guardians reference in this story. See if you can find it.

He opened the door a crack and listened to the conversation. He saw Bobbi, Mac, and another agent with his back turned to him at the bar.

“Coulson is a good man,” the agent said. He had a British accent.

“Absolutely,” Bobbi was just as pretty as he remembered. She could always look good no matter what the situation. “But he is a good man who has lost his way. Peggy Carter and Howard Stark created Shield for the greater good and Coulson has been blindsided by his obsession with the city and Skye. Look at his agents. They are falling apart and he gets a therapist for her and not us.”

Coulson had never even tried with him. Sat next to his cell for three weeks, asking him questions about HYDRA and Cybertek repeatedly. Coulson always asked the wrong questions. He did think deep down Coulson was a good man. He never doubted it when Raina told him, but sometimes a good man doesn’t know when to do the right things.

“I know it sucks. I know you think we're betraying Coulson, and maybe we are but we have to fix SHIELD to be the organization it should have been, not the one that allowed Hydra to infiltrate it.”

He knew how Hydra got into SHIELD. He knew all about it. SHIELD never asked the right questions or listen to the right people.

The other agent poured himself a drink and chugged it down.

That was when he took a deep breath and opened the door. Time for a happy reunion.

“And you guys have a bar which is pretty nifty.”

“It’s good to grab a drink after a hard day,” Bobbi said. “Sometimes you want to drink the entire bottle.“ He sat down next to the agent with his back turned. “And speaking of someone who will need a whole bottle--”

When the agent turned around to look at him, it turned out to be Lance Hunter. He made a weird squeak sound and fell off the stool.

Mack and Bobbi looked at Hunter on the floor, looked at each other and grabbed another drink. 

He nabbed a glass from the bar.

“Good to see you,” Bobbi said.

“Thought you might be dead,” Mack added.

“Rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated.”

“Hunter, are you going to get off the floor?” Bobbi asked.

Hunter pulled himself up and immediately drew his sidearm pointing it at him.

He put his hands in front of him. “I kind of don’t want to be shot again. Bobbi, talk to him.”

“Hunter, he’s with us. Put the gun away. You’re in no danger at all.”

“What?” he said. He didn’t put his gun away, but he did put it down.

“You brought Hunter into the fold?” he asked.

“It was either that or keep him locked in a bathroom. Lance, put the gun away. You look stupid.”

But Hunter didn’t put his gun away. 

He ignored him and took the bottle off the table, looked at the label, and hunched his shoulder. He poured himself a shot, drank it down quickly and let it burn his throat, then poured himself another and repeated. 

Finally Hunter turned to Bobbi. He put his thumb out over his shoulder to point to him.

“Bobbi, Hydra spy.”

“My loyalty was to my SO John Garrett not to Hydra,” he said.

“What’s the difference?”

“Ward never worked for Hydra,” she finally explained. “Put the gun away, Hunter, now.” He didn’t know if he did because he was more interested in getting drunk as fast as possible.

Mack looked over to him as he poured his fourth shot. “You may want to relax on that.”

In response, he drank it down and poured another.

“Bad day?” she asked.

He had known Bobbi and Mack for a long time. Knew that they could be trusted. She was his friend from operations, but he never connected to her. Or even Mack who he met on assignments. He didn’t say anything. 

“Okay, you killed a bunch of people and you were wearing plastic explosives.”

“It was clay,” he explained. “With a plastic explosives wrapper. I’m an asshole but I’m not a complete dick.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Garrett was a complete dick,” he explained. “He didn’t care who got hurt.”

“What about the other people you killed?”

He turned around to Hunter and smiled. Something he rarely did. 

“I see their faces every night when I try to sleep,” he poured another glass, then raised it. “To SHIELD, I wished it would rot.”

“Ward—“ Bobbi said. “You’re a bad drunk. I think you’re done.”

“Garrett?”

“Garrett kidnapped me when I was 15 years old, started molding me to be a killer, taught me not to trust anyone, attachments were for the weak. Bobbi, and I go way back. Bobbi knew something was wrong with me from the get-go.”

“When did you two meet?” Hunter asked.

“Operations,” she explained. “And I knew something was wrong because he never showered.”

“No much showering was needed in the wilderness.”

“You didn’t date?” Hunters said, a little jealousy entered his voice.

Bobbi and he laughed at the same time.

“No,” she said. “He was the strangest person I met. The showering was bad enough, but the way he acted around girls was like he was a kid first seeing boob.”

“First boob was a prostitute,” he said, raising his glass. “Thank you John Garrett. Never went to Prom, never got laid in the backseat of my parent’s car.”

“But Garrett, I know the stories,” Hunter said. “That you stayed with him to the very end.”

“Garrett was an operative in HYDRA with delusions of grandeur. But he cared less for HYDRA than he did for himself,” he explained. “But he still was my SO. You follow your SO to the ends of the earth, no matter what weird orders they give and you never ask questions. He trained me to loyal only to him.” Just like Kara, he thought and that made him take another drink and pour another.

“And that was another flag for me,” Bobbi explained. “John Garrett would show up a lot. And at first I thought they were in a relationship of something.”

“Bobbi—ew— I could do better.”

“But I got this weird vibe off of Garrett and their relationship. Ward excelled in his classes, all of them. He knew how to blend in. Outside of the classes, people tried to befriend him. When you started, he’d be this awkward kid, but if you got closer, he would get angry and drive you away. When Garrett came it was like Santa Claus. He was a different person and he became talkative about how Garrett did this, and Garrett did that. I told my teacher that I thought something was wrong with him and he needed help.”

“And she was right,” he said, taking another drink. “As long as I could kill for the greater good. That’s all that mattered.”

Bobbi looked at Hunter. “As you can see, bad drunk.”

“The teacher said. “It was what makes a good spy. Robert Gonzales worked as an administrator in Operations. I told him about Ward. He told me in confidence, there was a dozen or so troubled youth in operations. He complained to his superiors but they said nothing was wrong with it, they had always done it, and it never got further. Didn’t know if it was HYDRA or just bureaucracy.”

He took another long drink. At least Bobbi didn’t give him the evil eye. He didn’t know either but there had to be some HYDRA in operations to keep on eye on their Hitler Youth. 

“Then what happened?”

“We went our separate ways. We parted as acquaintances. I’d see him time to time at the hub and every time he’d completely different personality. It was scary how he got into his undercover roles. I was not shocked to find out Garrett was his SO." 

“To Garrett,” he said, raising his glass. “The sociopath with heart!” 

“Going to cut you off soon,” she said. “That’s drunk Ward.”

“All an act,” he said. “They should give me all the Oscars.”

Bobbi reached over and touched him. “Sweetie, just please no hipster or angry drunk.”

“You don’t want to see Hipster drunk,” Mack explained. “No one wants to hear that they liked Slipknot before anyone else.”

“Sure thing.” Hunter looked startled when he put his arm around him. “And the monster in the basement. That was psycho Ward. I learned how to do him by watching the Silence of the Lambs. There’s also creepy Ward, um—Tormented Ward, and—umm—Seal Team 6 Ward—Shy but sweet Ward. Lone Wolf Ward. Sometimes I make them a melody--”

“Medley,” Mack corrected.

“And that’s what I do to make a character. Frowny Ward and pouty Ward. I learn that one from Skye. She’s a pouter. I should call her. She’ll totally want to hang out with us. We can all do it for old times sake. She can’t be mad after this long, right?”

“No—“ Bobbi said. “Give me your phone.” 

He put it on the table, but didn't give it to her. Instead he looked at it. “I don’t have her number. Oh I have Coulson’s number. We should go spraypaint the playground with ‘Your shield sucks!’” 

Bobbi snatched the phone out of his hand.

“Can you tell Skye I’m sorry? I can be sorry Ward,” he made a pouty face and took his hands off Hunter who looked relieved.

“See what I mean,” she said. “He’s a bad drunk.”

“What happened after? How did he end up here?” Hunter asked.

“Robert was doing something on his own. Investigating those kids as secretly as possibly. I was helping. We found out that these kids were all from bad homes, anti-social, even borderline psychotic and a lot of their records had been altered. That they were supposed to be in certain schools and weren’t. We reported that also, but the reports never seemed to go anywhere.”

“Yippie,” he said and nearly fell off the stool. “Do you know what happened next? Do you? Garrett said Hydra was like coming soon and they were gonna kill people and stuff. I loved Garrett more than own father but I didn’t love Hydra. I really didn’t give a rat’s ass about Hydra but you know I kinda liked my operations friends, Bobbie, Mack, and Robbie. I really really loved my team. I mean really. Not just Skye causes she’s pretty. They’re all good people, even Coulson. He’s just stupid sometimes.”

“And one day out of nowhere, clean shaven and suit wearing, I met protector Ward, who told me and Robert that Hydra had infiltrated SHIELD and were getting ready to strike.”

“When Garrett told me—that Hydra was coming soon, like months before, I should be ready. I told her and Robbie. Do you know what she did?”

“What?”

“She punched me in my beautiful face,” he said, touching it. “

“You deserved it. You should have surrendered Garrett to me. You should have. We could have told Coulson and he would have told Hand.”

“You know,” he said, putting his arm around Hunter again. “Garrett wasn’t loyal to SHIELD because his guts fell out but I was loyal to SHIELD and Garrett. I probably should have exploded from the conflict,” he took his hands off Hunter and made an exploding sound while moving his hands apart.

Bobbi didn’t respond to that. “Ward wouldn’t say who told him. He just told us to trust him and he gave us info. But I knew it was Garrett.” She touched Ward’s head but didn’t look at him lovingly. She looked like a concerned mother. “I should have done more for you.”

“But Garrett made me what I am.”

“I think Garrett brainwashed you.”

“No, everything I did, I did because of my own free will. That’s my story and I’m sticking too it. That’s remorseful Ward. I don’t even like any of you,” he said. “I’m a Taskmaster, I can do anything,” 

He leaned back on the stool, lost his balanced and crashed on the floor. He closed his eyes and opened them again to see a stern old face looking at him. 

“Grant,” said the man. “I don’t understand why you feel to need to turn into a 15 year old boy every time you get drunk. I told you to get counseling years ago.”

Seeing the big man sobered him up a little and he said. “Counseling is for the weak.”


	4. Hero

Robert Gonzales put his hand out, but it was Mack and Bobbi who helped him back on the stool. When they done, Gonzales went behind the bar and began putting the bottles away.

He looked back to Hunter and put his hand up. “Shh He doesn’t like me, cause I didn’t surrender Garrett, but I do stuff for him. And Coulson doesn’t like me but I do stuff for him for Robert and May doesn’t like me cause I can’t say sex, and Skye thinks I like to kidnap her and Jemma wants me dead and Fitz wants me brain damaged.”

Hunter pointed to him. “I wish I have a video camera.”

“No you don’t,” Mack said. 

When Gonzales finished putting the bottles away. He leaned against the bar. “And Ward, I like you just fine. You need help and for some reason you feel you don’t deserve it. But I feel I failed you. All those kids that Hydra programmed. We didn’t save them. I think you have been incredibly brave. I know what you did must have been hard.”

“And I had to go undercover and then another cover. I think I was a quadruple agent.”

“You know I laughed,” Gonzales said, “When he first said HYDRA. But the more we searched, the more it proved to be true but we didn’t know who to trust. Ward here stayed in both SHIELD and HYDRA while reporting intel to me. For a while nothing happened.”

“Garrett told me very little about the organization at first, snippets here and there,” he said, and he put his arm around Hunter again. “When Garrett recommended me to Coulson’s team to get info on Coulson’s resurrection, I passed that info to Garrett and HYDRA info to Robert.”

“By then I figured out a way to get Ward’s information to Fury by setting up some irregularities he was bound to notice.”

“Wait a minute,” Hunter said. “Hold up. Coulson told me how Captain America found out about Hydra. Fury sent Romanoff to get intel off a ship because Fury saw some irregularities.”

“Robert was the one who set up the irregularities to get Fury’s attention. It’s not like he could get info to the man himself. Very few people had a direct line to the man.”

“You bloody hell took down Hydra.”

“I’m going to give all the credit to Cap and Fury, god rest his soul.” 

“But you tipped him off.”

“I didn’t do anything.

“But why didn’t you tell Coulson? Why the suicide attempts?”

“When Garrett died, I had no allies. No one to vouch for me that yes I was an asshole, but I wasn’t really Hydra. Didn’t know if Robert, Mack, or Bobbi were alive. I thought they would put me in prison instead they put me in a cage. Then I became sad Ward.”

“Sorry about that,” Bobbi said. “I know how much you hate solitary confinement.”

“And the team—I did such a good job at being evil Ward, they hated me so much no one would believe me. And the one man who didn’t think I was bad, I nearly killed me.” 

“Fitz?” Hunter asked and he nodded.

“I think of all the crappy things I had to do, Fitz hurt me the most. He’s such a good kid. I will never forgive myself for that. Robert, can I have another drink.”

“No.”

He didn’t try to ask again. He knew he could get up and take the bottle and no one would stop him. “When I started running into walls, Coulson had to get a bunch of people to hold me down so they could sedate me. That’s when I saw Mack and I knew I had at least one friend. When I saw Bobbi on the bus, I knew I had more. And when I saw the message with Robert’s number—”

“And we’ve been working to try to get him out since then,” Robert explained. “His older brother suddenly attacking SHIELD was not a coincidence.” 

“How’s my family?” he suddenly asked Robert. 

“Christian is practicing presidential speeches,” Robert explained. “Your father likes the fully stocked bar and your mother is quite unpleasant. She said that you were disowned then said she would sue me for everything I owned and make sure I was buried in a paupers grave. Even right now they are all in a tropical paradise.”

“That sounds like mommie dearest.”

“But your brother did ask about you. I said you were fine, even when I thought you were dead.”

“What?” Hunter said.

“His family is in a safe house,” Robert explained. “We set that up.”

“Christian was not happy. When we got back to the house and Robert was waiting.”

“How did get him to agree to all of this?”

“Let’s say the senator has a lot of scandals he would prefer to go away. And he might want not want to let the press know that that his family let their 15 year old son be kidnapped by a sociopath.”

“And I became psycho family killer and pyro Grant Ward who Whitehall would be happy to take in. More intel for Robert.”  
“  
“And Skye?”

“That was Coulson’s job for me. Keep her the hell away from the temple. Something I failed at too.” He looked at Bobbi. “Is she okay?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Coulson has blinders when it comes to her.”

He doesn’t respond. Now drunk Ward had become sad Ward. He looked at Robert. “If you weren’t pushing seventy, I would punch you.”

“Ward,” Bobbi said. “No angry drunk.”

“Yeah, well he has to come out sometimes. For about five seconds, I thought I could get attached to someone. You helped destroy a good team.”

“You’re right,” Gonzales said. “Do you feel better?”

“No. You destroyed Skye. She shot me unarmed in the back. She is not that kind of person. She would reach out to anyone in need and I had to make her think I was some crazy stalker lunatic. Sometimes I hate you more than Garrett.” 

Bobbi stood up. “Come on, Ward, I think it’s time to get you to bed.”

“First I gotta go take a shower for about 10 years.”

“Grant,” Gonzales said. “Why don’t you take a few days off?”

“And what?” he said. “Visit my family? My friends? Take a trip to Tahiti?”

“No,” he said, “just stay here and try to be yourself.”

“I don’t think I ever can.”

“Come on,” Bobbi said, helping him out of the stool. “I think we’re done for the night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the Kudos. I knew people would like chapter 3. I promise I'll post the rest of Memory soon, might even do a chapter tonight, but I wanted to get this one out before Tuesday since it's a spec story and it's not that long. Let's see how much I'm right. I just think it's weird we are introduced to a New SHIELD in the same episode Ward comes back. Also I'm pretty sure that Ward knows Bobbi.


	5. This is Who I am.

Bobbi got him into a room and he pretty much fell across the bed. She had done this once before. There were on a mission together once except that he had gone on all night talking about John Garrett until she told him to shut up. 

She removed his shoes and socks and took off his jacket and moved him on the bed so he was lying down correctly and placed his head on the pillow.

“Can you stay for a while?”

“Which Ward is this?” she asked.

“I don’t know yet. Maybe sad drunk Ward.”

She wasn’t much of a comforter, but she lied next to him with her back against the headboard. He placed his head on her thigh but she knew it wasn’t sexual. It was like comforting a child. 

They had done this once in Operations right before they graduated. Something happened. He never told her. They weren’t close friends, but out of nowhere, he asked if she could spend some time with him. He just lied down on the bed next to her for a long time and never said anything. Except that he was a little afraid of the world. She rubbed his hair and said nothing. Right after they graduated, he limited his contact with her, and when they had missions together, he kept it professional most of the time.

“Ward, you’re the bravest person I’ve ever known,” she said. 

“Did Gonzales tell you to say that?”

“No, I was undercover at Hydra for 7 months and in order to move up the hierarchy, I did things I’m not proud of including killing people. Grant, what we do, is hard work, but it has to be done. I know you felt guilty for the people Garrett ordered you to kill. You just need to admit it or it’s only going to get worse.”

“I don’t even know who I am anymore. Am I evil? A psycho? An anti-hero, a hero or something else?”

“You’re Grant Ward. You can survive anything.”

“It’s not that.”

She put her arms around his shoulders.

“What?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Grant, we’ve known each other for a long time. I remembered that time before graduation. I know Garrett did a number on you. I know the bad things you've done for him.”

He shook his head. “No you haven’t.”

“Grant—please don’t shut down. Please,” she said. “Do you need my help?” 

All at once he buried his head in her lap and began sobbing. “Yes,” he managed to choke out. She had asked the right question. “Help me--” He needed know if he could accept the help but he had to try. He knew he probably completely blown his chances with Skye, his entire team, and any kind of forgiveness from them, but in his time with Kara—how she looked at him. He wondered if she had seen who the real Grant Ward was and fell in love with him. 

“Are you sure,” she asked.

“I don’t know.”

“It can’t just be for Skye, it has to be for you. Do you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“Because if we start down this road, you aren’t going to like what you find.”

He thought of his brother, the well, and Garrett. How he pushed it all inside and it came out in violent ways.

“I know. I absolutely know.”


End file.
